I'm back...and no, not from outer space!
First, thanks to those of you who inquired about me and my
blog…it means a lot. When I started this journey, I was sincere…and I still am.
Still, the best paid plans…sometimes life gets in the way. So know that I
appreciate your concern. With that said…
Ever have one of those days when you just feel like
something is weighing you down? That sometimes, no matter how hard you try, you
just have to turn it over to a higher power? Well, that’s been my state lately.
Doing my best to shake it, and I believe I am winning. Check out this video...this song has definitely helped too! Still, as I said before,
life can really get in the way sometimes.
November is a tough month. Aside from the definitive change
of the seasons, there has been a great deal of loss in November’s past.
Palpable losses that even though time moves on, you sometimes feel that you can’t.
Add to that my insane decision to start this journey at the beginning of one of
the most food-fueled times of the year! As I said, insane. Still the decision
to start this sooner, rather than later, was one I choose to intentionally. If
I came make it now, I can make it anytime to paraphrase the classic song. And,
I am happy to report that I have done just that…for the most part. Guru Keizer,
if you are reading this you may want to cover your eyes for a couple of paragraphs…
First, when I started this trek to better living, I was
tipping the scales at 235 pounds. If you check online, and compare and contrast
that with the Body Mass Index (BMI), you would be correct in saying I was
clinically obese. Can you imagine that? What a blow to the gut that day was.
While I thought I looked okay for the most part, I knew that there was room for
improvement. And improve I did!
The day before Thanksgiving was the first time I got on the
scale after I started this journey. I had no great expectations, even though I
had sensed there was some shift in the way my clothing was fitting. What it
resulted was quite a shock. The scale read…drum roll please…217! 217! 217!! I was
shocked! For those like myself who are mathematically challenged, is a whopping
18 pounds…almost the same weight as a 12-month old child! I lost a toddler!
Where the struggle came in wasn’t with maintaining the loss through
diet as you might think.
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| How it feels sometimes... |
In the past, when making attempts to drop a few LBs, I would
have allowed this to get me down. But not today…not by a longshot. Everyone
knows that weight loss is a challenge. There are highs, and there are lows. If
you let the lows get to you, that’s the end…game over. But, if you can find a
way to turn those lows into action items, then you can’t lose focus. Here’s
what that means…
A three pound gain means that I need to simply get back on
track with my eating. Do a better job of choosing what to eat, and how much of
a portion to eat. For me it has proven to be that simple. When I started this
journey, I was challenged to eat “clean” by the Guru Keizer for two weeks
straight…and I did. And then some…I stuck to my plan beyond our determined
amount of time, and went all the way to the day before Thanksgiving. I thought
my depression and sadness of the past were just that; past, and I would be
fine. However, the next day…leftover heaven! Turkey sandwiches, stuffing, the
sides, the desserts…oh my! It was all sooo good! And it filled that void that I
was feeling from my November blahs. Now bear in mind, I was being careful about
how much of the good stuff I was eating, so I wasn’t being a glutton. But
still, there was that voice in the back of my mind telling me “put down that
fork!!”
When you are dealing with sadness and depression, it’s a
very personal thing. It’s like you are wearing a mask to the rest of the world,
and everyone is buying it…except you. Only you truly know the real deal…but you
aren’t prepared to share it with the world. So, everyone, including those
closest to you have no idea the pain you are in underneath. Well, there you have it…yet again I am
popping out of the closet of depression. Is it bad enough that I can’t function?
No, not really. I am a pretty strong person, and I try not to let anything get
me down for long. So even on the worst days, when I feel like pulling the
covers back over my head and hiding from the world, I make myself get up and
get on with life. I am grateful for that. That, and the fact that medication
isn’t necessary either are the two things that make me feel better about
sharing this little factoid about myself.
So, back to the journey. These measly 3 pounds aren’t going
to get me. Why? Because I still have lost a good amount of weight. But what’s
funny is the reactions of others. I know I’ve mentioned this before in a
previous entry, but now people are starting to notice that some pounds have
departed. Here are a couple of the comments I’ve received…
“Geez, you’ve lost weight! What's wrong?!?”
“You look thinner, are you feeling okay?!?”
“Whoa, dude what happened?!? You alright?!?”
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| Sums it up beautifully! |
Sweet, right? I have to admit, I never really saw myself as
the giant beach ball that so many of my acquaintances did. But there it was.
Now, I know that in hindsight, those comments weren’t meant to be hurtful.
Still, it again made me acutely aware of the power of words…and how we use
them. It also showed me that I am changing as well…for the better. Before, I
would have run for a pint of Ben and Jerry’s “Phis Food” ice cream, a big
spoon, and forgotten about the day. But instead, I took each “well intentioned”
compliment and graciously said thank you.
So again, thanks for the concerns, the questions, and the
inquiries. Going forward, my plan is to enjoy the rest of the holiday season…in
moderation. Plus, I have a birthday between now and the end of the year, and I
intend to enjoy that as much as I can too! But in the meantime, and I say this
for myself as much as anyone else, relax, and give yourself a break. You are as
good now as you ever were, but only as great as you want to be in the future.
For this installment of “Descriptive of Jeffery,” I am choosing
the word “friend.” This one makes me really happy, not only because it was
mentioned more than once, but because I feel in this life I have been truly
blessed with some amazing people in my life that I have had the privilege to be
a friend to. One such person, whom shall remain nameless for no other reason
than I don’t want to tell, was someone whom I grew to love over time through
another friend who is no longer with us. This person has had some rough patches
over the years; including a breakup of a 5 year relationship earlier this year.
We fell out of touch for reasons that I didn’t understand until recently when
we ran into each other purely by chance. After a really great conversation, and
a couple of cocktails, this person paid me a very kind compliment.
“Jeffery, you know what I love best about you? That you are
just you…nothing more, nothing less. For those of us who get to call you a
friend, we are truly lucky. I am glad I am one of them.”
Before you even ask, yes, tears did fall. Can you blame me?
For much of my life, I have been trying my best to be the best person I can.
Still, it seems there is always someone waiting in the wings to make you feel
bad about yourself. But to hear someone articulate something so genuine, and
from the heart, meant to me that I am doing something right I guess. That, or
it could have been the vodka talking…who knows.
I have also been blessed with some amazingly supportive
friends in this life as well. Even though life and circumstances has thrown
them to various points on the globe, I know that no matter how much time has
passed, when we reconnect in person, it will be as if no time at all has
passed. That’s the mark of true friendship. And if I represent that to those I
call friend, then I think we are all richer for it.
See you next week!
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