Hello, yeah it's been a while. Oh not much, how about you?

Greetings all!

If you recognize the song the title of this blog is from, drop me a private note, and I will send you something fun in a reply. Now...read on!

Well, after another long hiatus, I am back in the blogosphere. I first want to say thank you to all of you who have been inquiring when this day would happen; it is appreciated. It has been a challenge getting back to this point, and the expression of concern and support has not only been overwhelming, but incredibly helpful as well. If you chose to read on, it will become a bit clearer why…

When I started this blog back in November, I did so with the highest expectations…in myself. I have always tried to be “that guy;” the one you can rely on above all others. But over the last few months, “that guy” has been replace with “this guy;” unsure, unsteady, and not at all on his game. I have had brief periods like this in my life before, but not one that has lasted as long as this. It all seemed to have started just after this year did; January 2016.

I won’t overshare with too much of the particulars, and if you follow any of my social media outlets you probably have seen some of my posts. To summarize, since January of this year, I have lost 5 people of great significance to me in my life. It’s left me reeling. One of the most profound was a longtime friend who chose to reach out to me…just an hour before he committed suicide. The guilt that I have felt has been debilitating. Even my friend’s mother, in her own grief, has repeatedly reached out to me to make sure that I know and understand that there was little I could have done to stop him, even if I had answered his call. Still, being “that guy” means that I should have been able to talk him out of it had I answered the phone that Sunday night.

Add to that, I recently was let go from what I had hoped would be my dream job after a very short tenure. Nothing I did, I was just caught up in politics that were out of my control. Last in first out kind of a thing, still it was a major hit to the suit of armor I call my life.

Oh yeah, there was also a change in residence as of a few weeks ago. For the first time in a long time I moved off of Capitol Hill…approximately six miles or so to be more specific. But as I sit here looking out at the wonderful view of the west through my 8^th floor patio window, this has been one of the more stressful occurrences of the last few months, but also one of the most satisfying. But still…

So what does all this soul unburdening mean? I honestly don’t know. As I mentioned previously, I started this blog back in November to be inspirational, educational, and fun. But over the last 7 months my life has felt less that that…much less. I have a constant feeling of doubt and uncertainty, I’m highly emotional, easy to irritate, sad. I have shirked some responsibilities, and completely half-assed others. I have disappointed so many people that mean so much to me in a variety of aspects of my life. I cry for no reason…commercials! Who cries at a commercial, honestly? But there seems to be a light at the end of this seemingly endless tunnel.

Let me say this before I go any further; mental illness is no joke. For the last few months I have honestly felt I might be losing my mind…which is incredibly scary. Many of you reading this may find that surprising, mainly because when you encounter me in person, I seem just fine and dandy. That’s the quirky part; most of these feelings of sadness and inadequacy surface when I am alone. Nighttime is the toughest…it’s quiet, dark, lonely. I have never been much on the dark anyway, and these last few months have solidified that. The feelings of despair got to be so much, I knew I had to get some help. After sharing most of these feelings with my very sympathetic physician, we began working together to come up with some way to help me feel better and get back on track. While it is cliché to say “better living through pharmaceuticals,’ in my case it has to be true. In a brief few weeks on medication I have begun to feel more myself; back on track to get things done that need to get done. The feelings of the new “this guy” are slowly being replace with the “that guy” I used to be. I look in the mirror and I see, well, me again.

In the meantime, the march toward 50 is still coming. Surprisingly, that has been the one thing that I have been looking most forward to. But it scared me that when I turn the big 5-0 in December, I might not recognize the guy looking back at me. Now, I am pretty confident I will. So I am trying to get back to my life. I am in an intense job search, so if anyone knows of any opportunities in marketing, public relations or the non-profit realm, please run, don’t walk, to let me know. As for this blog, I think there will be a significant shift in the content. To solely focus on a physical transformation suddenly seems a bit narcissistic and frivolous.  While that is still a focus I want to get back to, it feels more of a “back seat” issue to the rest of my life. So please come back and visit from time to time; I think you will find some good stuff here. And again, from the bottom of my heart, thank you to all who have expressed concern. See you soon!