Don't Fear the Reaper...or Should You

Do you feel the disconnect?

Do you ever feel a disconnect between yourself and the rest of the world? I mean like, you feel like the rest of the populous is privy to the punchline of the funniest joke ever, but not only have you been unable to discern it for yourself, no one is offering any assistance to help either. Now don’t misunderstand, this is not a gnashing of teeth, railing at God, “why me” kind of thing. For me it’s a bit more complex. Gonna try to explain in this missive, so please stick with e if you can.

I guess to make sense, I must start at the beginning. This past week I was rocked by the death of not one, not two, but three individuals that had at one time or another been a more regular part of my life. I have had to concluded that at this stage of the game, I should be more prepared for death. Yet a part of me feels as if I should rail against it, rather than add it to greeting card rotation for birthdays and holidays.

But how do you attempt to accept something that you know deep down is an inevitability, yet is still foreign to you?

I have been mercifully blessed to have been spared a lot of the pain associated with death when it occurs in

The Reaper comes for all of us. Ready?

younger years. A parent, a grandparent, a few assorted great aunts and uncles, and for the most part that’s it. It seems that in the last 5 to 10 years or so, the reaper has made more “regular” stops along the periphery of my life. I’m a bit embarrassed to say it, but on many of these occasions, I responded to the news of someone passing with a bit of cynical doubt. Like it just couldn’t happen to “that person…they are so awesome,” or “amazing,” or “young,” or any other adjective you can imagine. Like I was grasping for anything to make the news seem more like an April Fool’s gag that a fact.

Recently I heard a podcast interview with French- Canadian actress Emmanuelle Chriqui of “Entourage” fame. The discussion had circled to her having lost one parent at a relatively early age, and another more recently. While she did share that her journey through the crash course that is death, she learned the pain of loss is no different at 13 or 30. The difference is how you process the loss and move forward. The she was asked how she personally felt about death.

“I have a very complicated relationship with death at the moment, but it is getting better…slowly.”

I couldn’t have come up with a more succinct and concise response if I tried. It also summed up my own feelings as well; not really based in the occurrence of death itself, but more about what happens to those left behind. How do we move past the sadness and emptiness, and continue to perform as a functioning human being? Sure, in those initial days and weeks after someone’s passing, all we really can do is acknowledge the feelings we have and try to be patient that they will “go away” as so many are wont to tell us during such times.

So, let’s fast forward a bit to the point I made about being passed by. I mean it in the sense that we always assume that there will be time…for everything. However, for me at least, that time stamp is a bitch when it comes to death. No skating around its finality, dead is dead. And while this may border on the edge of regret, I feel that had more effort been made, that gap between interactions with those who matter could be much shorter. While unlikely said effort would have made that much of a difference in their life’s master plan, but at least those feelings of sadness and loss might be lessened.

Is out disconnect permanent?

This morning I woke up with the feeling I needed to reach out to a few folks in my life…just for my own peace of mind. Upon rereading the first text I sent to ensure the phone number to still be good, I must have sounded like a paranoid conspiracy theorist who either had too much of his medication, or not enough. And yet I was pleasantly surprised to find that the contact was not only welcome but appreciated.

Our world is so fractured when it comes to human interaction. Without the handheld devices most of us are chained to, our ability to communicate would be greatly compromised. I find that when I must affix my actual signature to a document, I occasionally must give my motor neurons a bit of a shove to get them on task. The result is usually a passable scribble that would leave the most accomplished mental health professional to scratch their head.

“Is it more the writing of a sociopath, a schizophrenic, or a narcissist? Or he could have simply had a stroke recently effecting his hand coordination.” Stay tuned...I expect a final assessment any day now. 😊

I have had a love affair with words for most of my life. And while I can only assume my words don’t have

Closeness can build that bridge...

the effect, I’d like on the loved ones lost this past week, I can still reach those who are still with me. We all matter in the tapestry of life…but it’s up to us to make a bit more effort in making those we care know that even through time and distance, they are in our hearts and minds.

   

Okay, enough of the schmaltz. I shall be returning to my curmudgeonly nature with next post. Until then…