Get some when you want some...get some?

Hello all!

Well, it is day four if this new lifestyle shift, and I have to say I am LOVING it! I feel great, the eating part is not nearly as tough as I had anticipated, and in short it has been great! Now granted, I realize it’s been only four days, and the next 10 will be the true test. I’ve been told if I can get to the halfway mark without losing my mind, I am home free…

Some of the best times of my life I
owe to the people in this pic...

I even passed one of those big hurdle test; dining out with friends. Last night, I met some of my besties at a nearby place known for the quality of their pizza pie, Wyman’s. The smell when you enter the place is an assault to begin with, and when you start to see the food being delivered to the other patrons, it’s enough to make you crazy! But I held fast. Even when my buddy Shane ordered “cheesy bacon tater tots” my resolve didn’t crumble. I ate my chicken breast and green salad happily, and didn’t even let the thought of those delicious cheesy morsels close proximity faze me in the least! Even the thought of a cocktail didn’t weaken me. I sipped my club soda with lime like a champ…

Last night was a big milestone for me! As many who know me can attest, I love a good cocktail. Hell, I will even suffer through a mediocre one! My point is, I am the epitome of a social drinker. Do I drink alone at home? Rarely…with the exception of the occasional glass of red wine. For me drinking at home alone brings to mind the part of the film “Fatal Attraction” when Glenn Close’s character is sitting alone, flipping the lights on and off, while listening to “Madame Butterfly.” Tragic…

Did I miss my weekend social cocktails? Not as much as I thought I would. Since I was of legal age my mom has lived in a silent fear that I would someday wind up an alcoholic. Well, I can say with the utmost confidence that today will not be that day. Nor will tomorrow, or the day after that. In short, as much as I love my drinks, I can honestly leave them, and have just as good a time as anyone else. Now, will I be as funny, witty, and urbane to someone who is choosing to imbibe? Possible, if they are drunk enough! But seriously, when I decided to go on this journey, I decided to do it completely. So, if drinking isn’t on the menu, I can live with that. For me, I am quite proud of myself for not giving in to the temptations when right in front of me. I am proving to be much stronger in

Bourbon..nectar of the gods!

this area than I thought!

I also have to give a “shout out” to the friends last night for their support. While the question “what are you drinking” was asked more than once, it was so nice when my pals quickly corrected themselves and ordered me a club soda or bottle of water so I didn’t have to. The phrase “It takes a Village” is proving to be truer than I realized, and the fact that I am documenting and sharing the journey with all of you is proof that I am building a good support network. So, for that, THANK YOU!!

So for this week’s “descriptive of Jeffery,” I am choosing the word “exquisite.”

What an awesome word, right?

I would be lying if I didn’t say I was more than a bit humbled by the word and me being used in tandem. By definition the word means “extremely beautiful and, typically, delicate.” Yes, you read that right…delicate. I think it’s applicable to me on so many levels and in so many ways. For example, I am what is known as a “Hopeful Romantic;” a dangerous adjective to use to describe oneself in gaydom. I wear my heart on my sleeve, and as such have had it trounced on more times than I can to mention here. But through either pure resiliency, or pure stupidity, I choose to believe there is love out there for everyone. One of the major side-effects of wearing one’s heart in such a way, is that you tend to over-analyze situations. There is a reference in the musical “If/Then” that says something to the effect of “living an entire lifetime in just one moment.” Well, that’s me. Mix this with the idea of romance, and you have a recipe for disaster. Your heart and your head are sharing conflicting stories…neither of which is really in your best interest…that’s what it is like.

I thought as I got older this would change.

Guess what? It hasn’t.

As I mentioned before, I never thought reaching 50 was possible. Not that I see it as a potential reality, I have had to re-evaluated my way of thinking on many things including relationships. And honestly, I never thought I would be single at this phase of my life either.

I truly appreciate it when someone asks me “Why are you still single?” It makes me feel that the person asking the question sees something in me that would be of benefit to another human being. Granted, some would probably wish my choice of gender would change as well, but I can say this with confidence as well, it won’t. I love the ladies, and since I hit puberty the ladies have loved me. But our love will only be of the platonic kind, as my lust lies in a different area. But that’s for another blog entry…

My point is simply that it has taken a really long time for me to see in myself the worth that other people already see in me. For the last few years my being single has been more a choice than anything else. But now that I am ready to put myself back “out there,” I am finding the choices available to me are limited at best.

I guess what it boils down to is this; do I see myself as exquisite? In many areas, yes.

• I am a loyal and honest friend
• I recognize that people find me attractive, which sometimes boggles my mind
• I know for a fact that I am truly, truly loved.
• I know that I have the capacity to truly, truly love in return.
• I know that my day is coming…and I will be patient.

There is also another use of the word exquisite as a noun; to mean “a man who is affectedly concerned with his clothes and appearance; a dandy.” I like it!

Hence forth…I should like to be referred to as Jeffery, the dandy. Has a nice ring to it, don’t you think?